Aslan ma fi gay tabi3e*
That’s what Zouzou told me yesterday
while I was complaining about my exes and dates.
I’m starting to think that he’s right.
After all the people I’ve met,
I haven’t met a normal gay person,
or as normal as it gets.
It seems that every single one needs therapy,
intensive therapy for that matter.
Maybe I do too.
But is it so much to ask for a guy who is not full of complexes?
The Daddy Complex
18 year old twinks who don’t talk to you unless your 40+
Do they want a daddy figure in their lives?
Or do they just like to be dominated?
Or do they like saggy man boobs and viagra popping geezers?
But that’s the least of the complexes.
The Gold Digger
I’m young, still a student
Studying some artsy major that will never get me a good job
I don’t have a car and I need someone to drive me
from Baabda (location may vary) to Hamra everyday
Yup, let’s date and find someone who can spend all his money on me
I’m worth it, aren’t I?
No you fucking spoiled brat
Move your ass and find a job to support yourself
The Dumb Blond Complex
or in this case, the dumb bitch complex
(since they are mostly not blond).
These are guys that are attracted to ridiculously dumb twinks
and if you ever try to start a smart conversation with them
they dumb you for white trash with wide assholes.
I don’t get how someone can be with a clueless klutz
that can’t do anything by himself, lose his stuff all the time,
and isn’t even that hot!
The Can’t-get-it-up Syndrome
and mind you, I’m not talking about middle-aged men.
These are barely 20 year-olds
that have so much sexual frustration and extreme complexes
that they can’t even get their dick hard with their lover,
and cries every time he tries to get intimate with his boyfriend,
but would rather get their asses fucked by ugly geezers in cheap motels.
“I’m Getting Married” complex
Yes I’m gay
But I want to get married
for my parents, for my society
what will people say?
I’ll have fun till i’m 30,
but don’t worry, I’ll still play on the side.
I just can’t have people talking about me.
I’m Outa Here Complex
This guy doesn’t plan to stay in Lebanon
even though he doesn’t have any qualifying skills
or education or work experience or ambition.
All he knows is that he doesn’t want to stay here,
and this keeps him from having any sort of long-term relationships
even though he couldn’t successfully leave for the last ten years.
I know I’m different
I have tendencies
God is testing me.
I can’t have sex with a guy,
I can’t even kiss a guy,
I don’t want to get married,
I just want to hide here.
Maybe no one will notice me.
Maybe god will forgive me.
The Friends With Benefits Complex
This is the wannabe successful guy
who doesn’t have time for a relationship
who doesn’t want to get attached
who just wants to relieve his sexual tenancies
by being close to a circle of fuck buddies
or what he likes to call “friends with benefits”
who he drives around in his Ferrari
while they give him head.
The Sex Freaks
Home alone now in Achrafieh
Who wants to fill me up with his hot milk?
Bring your friends too
I can take them all
Can’t Get Over It Syndrome
This guy is still in love with his boyfriend
or crush or whatever you want to call it
from when he was 12 years old.
Every time commitment is near,
he brings up his fantasy feeling from 10 years ago
and ruins everything good he has
with the amazing guy who loves him.
The Honey Moon Syndrome
We have such a great thing going.
This relationship is the best thing that happened to me.
I’m just bored
I want fresh flesh
Then he proceeds to block you on every social network,
phone number, watsapp, viber, bbm, you name it…
The Emotionally Schizophrenic (Mafsoum)
I love you.
I love someone else.
I don’t like you.
I love you.
Don’t ever leave me.
Let’s get married.
I hate you.
Get out of my face.
I don’t want a relationship.
I don’t want anyone other than you.
I Have Cancer Syndrome
And its not real cancer.
It’s fake cancer to create more drama
to put strain on a stressful relationship.
It’s the worst type of attention whoring
and desperate to stand out from the other drama queens
so be sure to give him all your empathy, love and attention.
Why is it so hard to find a sweet cute guy
who’s smart, educated and willing to commit
with no sexual frustration?
That’s what normal is for me.